Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Less talking, more tequila
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize