turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
