you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
