dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He felt like a one man threesome
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
