Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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