I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
