i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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