i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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