Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
