I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
