She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
