This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
