Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
