I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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