Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
why is half of my head shaved?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
