I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize