I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You may now shotgun with the bride
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
