it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
