Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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