Sry I called you an 8
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
