I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
