Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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