i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
