I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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