OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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