Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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