how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
as a side note pls kill me
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
