Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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