Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
