I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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