How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
