Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
