ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
