My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
