Sponge bath it is.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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