I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
