Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
