why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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