hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
