nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
