first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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