o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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