you turned your livingroom into a bong?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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