the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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