is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
