alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
