Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This baby is an asshole
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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