Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
This is my gift to your gina
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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