I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I checked into jail on foursquare
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
