I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
