k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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