Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
