he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
