One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
