if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
