I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
please come you make the beer taste better
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
