I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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