I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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