If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
