Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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