sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
