My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
