I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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