she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
