if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize