I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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