if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
