Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
