how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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