Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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