just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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