He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
